l-cubed...

flighty, yet so real...

So as you may know, this blog is put together and thought up of while I’m just going around and doing/executing my leisurely life lessons…  L-cubed.  It’s the math and science geek in me…  trying to let the world know that I actually paid attention to my teachers in 10^th grade.  I with that will say that I am a keen observer, and have tried to fix/complain about many an odd situation in my life.  I want to understand better, what it means to capitalize on being unique, smart and fun.  I believe it best, when I see people’s eyes full of rage, sadness, despair, and tears…  happy tears that is.

I can go on and on.  As people have told me…  I don’t have a filter.  You know why I don’t have a filter?  It is because having a filter causes high pressure explosions.  I don’t like the idea of blowing up and leaving remnants of my carcass on things or people.  That is what I need to avoid at all costs.  Blowing up…  what a play on words…  I understand what it means to blow up a balloon, but when people blow up…?  It’s usually like hey, that gal blew up… 

Food addiction:  You know it’s not fun, nor is it funny…  but when you’re up here on stage, you have to wonder sometimes, why it’s the most fatalistic sort of stuff that makes people laugh.  Take my cousin ‘pasa’.  That’s Spanish word for raisin.

She used to weigh like 105 lbs. wet, and now…  look at her today…  She’s a full and ripe muscat, one of them round grapes with the thick skin…  she now tips the scale at  201.  Isn’t that the northern new jersey area code?  She sure looks like she could take out the entire area code with one of her anger/food binges.  You better watch out, she’ll gobble your finger tips off.  I heard when she eats like that her family calls her Hoover…

Coming to think of Hoover, I had an ex-gf and we nicknamed her Hoover…  oh sorry wrong joke and wrong time…  But let me tell you…  She really SUCKED…  (wink wink)

Where is this going?  Right down deep…  into the dirtiest crevices, into the darkest deepest parts of your space, your world, your creation.  You know where that would be?  (pause)…  I overheard sometime ago, that Dr. Oz did an experiment…  the dirtiest ‘common’ and ‘public’ places are thought to be 1.  door knobs in public restrooms, 2.  public pay phones…  hey those still exist?  3.  and the bottom of an average person’s handbag.  Correct me if I’m wrong…  I would have guessed the door knob…  You know, those signs in the bathroom say, all employees must wash hands…  and yes, almost all employees wash their hands…  it’s the non-employees that worry me…  Remember if it weren’t unique I wouldn’t be talking about it.  The answer is….  drum roll please…

You know, I have lots of different pet peeves…  1.  privacy when they’re in public.  2.  things are in my pocket.  3.  smelly people.  I walk around NYC, especially NYC with a murse, whack pack, fag bag, fanny sack, you name it, I’ve heard it…  I just don’t like things in my pocket…  so when I hear people saying…  oh god, not again…  billy joe is playing pocket hockey again…  I’m just like…  just take it out…  there is no reason, your joy / pleasure should be a private event.  If you can’t share it, maybe you shouldn’t be outside with it… 

So how do I deal with smelly people?  I just walk up to them…  give them a hug and whisper in their ear, that they smell like death…  has anybody ever smelt death before?  Trust me, it’s not a pleasant one…  it’s a cross between, burnt hair, and the most delicious aromatic milk fart one’s lactose intolerant body can conjure.  As the valley girl in me would say…  “groedy to the max”.  If you have not heard…  lots of yellow people like myself, are way lactose intolerant…  So you say, you’re yellow?  I don’t agree…  I say, hey buddy…  look at me…  look at you…  you are 6’1” dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes.  do you want to be grouped in the same category as me?  I THOUGHT NOT…

My favorite yellow things:

1. highlighter – my life as a big yellow highlighter…
2. butter – need I tell you why?  Just think creamy…  just think popcorn without this marvelous invention…  just think a life without butter
3. yellow mazda miatas with a transverse turbo charged Nissan Sylvia motor…  hint hint fat man with a beard and a red suit, who’s looking to come down my chimney on December 25^th…
4. corn.  Isn’t it so fun to eat like 3 ears of corn, and watch it all come back to make you smile after you poop…  you look into the toilet before you flush…  hey that’s the corn from last night…  giggle giggle…
5. the sun…  another final thought…  think about life without the sun.  but to all you  highly intelligent, and universally knowledgeable and scientific white supremacists out there, I know what you’re thinking…  saying that the sun is not yellow, it is white…  I know that the sun is so damn hot, and so damn bright, it’s truthfully white…  you can have it…  So I look at most white folks, and ask them…  So you hate everything yellow?  Oh, okay, so no highlighters for you, and no butter for you, you like Crisco…  no yellow mazda miata rice burners for you…  oh sorry to get your panties in a twist…  you want your white corvettes…  and oh yeah, white corn and white robes and hoods…  oops, my mom told me not to say that…  my rebuttal is…  I just have full confidence that when I pee it is yellow…  and not white…  u gonna’ live without yellow pee?  I dare you…

I can truthfully say, that being a yellow man has its privileges.  Not to go too deep into it…  but I have clearly stated my mentors in comedy…  And the fact that I’m one of maybe a thousand wannabie yellow folk has its benefit.  But in all honesty…  I’m very multi-cultural, and open to ideas that stretch one’s capacity and ability to think…

1. I spent my earliest years with a Spanish speaking baby sitter, so from ages 1-5, I was hooked up with all the best and greatest, Mama’ loving.
2. From ages 5-17…  my folks moved me out to a very prestigious and wonderful suburb of NYC.  I grew up knowing very little about us “yellow folk”…  I was indoctrinated into the life of “the beav”… 
3. Gosh, 17-23, I spent in the hottest, gayest place on earth…  HOTLANTA, G.A.  Thank you K.P., RIP, for being my mentor into a world I never would have discovered on my own…
4. So you know…  23 to the present…  I’m not ashamed to tell you this…  I’m 3 dozen years old…  yeah to those not arithematically inclined, that makes me 36.  So having been married to a most wonderful gal for about 10 years, I can say this…  it’s been a long hard fought battle.  My wife likes to throw things when we argue.  Let’s just say…  it’s good to be alive, and I’m sure glad that she played softball and not baseball in her formative years.
5. I have two children.  I call them little monster, and big monster…  can I please hear a little noise from all the parents in the room?  Thank you for sharing…  live well and prosper…

One of my biggest reasons for doing what I do is to remember and highlight the importance of AWL SCIENCE.  My brother Kanye West thinks that Bush is a racist, I think that the world without, Air Water & Love…  the world without:

Smile, as much as you can
Charity, open up your wallet
Invigorate, I do yoga, do whatever you prefer
Educate, teach someone to read
No B.S., we all yearn for the truth
Community, it takes a group to make meaningful and 'real' change
Environment, we have only one Earth, take care of it!

Is a lost space.

Bless you all, and God blessed me…

ONE LOVE…  PEACE…